Stranger Things first aired ten years ago in the summer of 2016, which simultaneously feels worlds away and like yesterday in comparison to the present. Part of me can’t believe how long it’s been, but also, I really can — because somehow, I can recall exactly where I was (and who I was) when I first saw the show. I had just turned fifteen a few months prior, and kept myself busy folding and laying out laundry as I watched—a task delegated to me by my mother, who had claimed I should at least make myself productive if I was going to be binging eight episodes that were almost an hour long each. I didn’t get much of it done, as you could’ve probably guessed. Being within the same age range as the main cast of the show — who are all in their twenties now alongside myself — is it at all crazy or parasocial to feel like the show is kind of a tangible representation of my own aging and maturity? You tell me. (Actually, don’t do that.) 

As the show went on, and the years went by, we watched the main cast transform from adolescents to young adults in real time. I often thought to myself with each new season, man, the kids are getting so old now… And then I’d sit with the thought for a few seconds. One, two, three. Maybe four, five, if I’m especially spacey that day. Then it’d hit me: that the cast growing up and getting old meant that I was, too. It was always a bit of an internal jumpscare when the realization occurred. This most recent season was no exception. 

I want the record to show — and make perfectly clear — that I love this franchise. And I always will, it’ll always hold a very special place in my heart. But its final season was so obviously rushed, and fell incredibly flat as a result. “None of the theories online have been correct so far!” The Duffer Brothers exclaimed, as fans anticipated the show’s fifth season. Turns out, the reason why there had been no theory that hit the nail on the head yet was, well… because the real thing they’d created (with the assistance of AI and Reddit threads, no less) was even worse than anyone could have ever imagined. 

The finale that aired felt like a really rough first draft, and was in no way a satisfying nor good ending. It was far too predictable, and the documentary later clarifies that they hadn’t even finished writing the finale while literally shooting the season… which is beyond unprofessional and objectively insane. No ending that was written in such a short amount of time would justify a ten-year-long culmination of events, much less one that had been apparently assisted by artificial intelligence. “No question will be left unanswered,” they told us, meanwhile, it seems as if a new plot hole or continuity error is discovered every passing second. Every time I refresh my Twitter feed, someone has pointed out something new that The Duffers missed. Go figure.

In the documentary, they really exposed themselves, their unpreparedness, and general incompetency to write and direct a good last season in so many ways, and the documentary’s very existence sort of feels like Netflix’s way of letting us know it’s them, not us! We didn’t water down their story…they’re just bad writers! We would get flashes of the writer’s room, where there were other writers there with them pointing out inconsistencies, specifically Paul Dichter, who noted the lack of Demo creatures in the Abyss, to which one of the Duffers had replied, simply: “Hm.” And yet, they still did nothing about it. Which is beyond infuriating! Because how can the creators of a show care so little about the world they’ve built and have gotten millions of people to become invested in? It is mind-boggling to me the way they have stomped all over this one last amazing opportunity they were given. Don’t even get me started on the disappointment that was the canon ending of Byler.

I will say as someone who took notice of the connection between the characters of Mike Wheeler and Will Byers as early as season two, I was severely disappointed with the ending they gave this pairing when there was so much potential to work with in terms of possible endings and changing the course of mainstream television. Honestly, right before season five aired, I didn’t necessarily even need them to legitimately get together by the show’s end — mainly because of the timeline we were given and how unrealistic it may have been to have years of self-realization occur in just a few episodes. I personally just wanted some sort of sign or clear indication that something would happen off-screen between them once the credits rolled. And upon processing and letting things stew, we did sort of get that…ever so slightly… but it wasn’t clear enough, at least not for the general audience to understand it. Part of me is okay with the ambiguity because it’s made room for so many post-epilogue fanfiction concepts in alignment with canon to arise, but of course, I do wish that we got some sort of obvious hint of requited feelings, or a sliver of hope for it, at least. Let them talk about the painting, you cowards!!!

Anyways. The finale was so bad that OG fans such as myself had deluded themselves into believing there had to be a secret finale to wrap things up in a way that felt fair and did the show’s original premise justice. This has been debunked in my opinion, although there are still some conspiracy theorists out there who still have faith in #conformitygate. Of course, I wouldn’t be mad at a finale do-over in the near future, but I also don’t feel like it’s entirely realistic. I think I’m just going to continue reading fix-it and post-epilogue fanfictions indefinitely — that seems to be filling the void quite nicely, anyway. (On a very serious note, DM me on Instagram if you want recs. I have way too many.) 

All in all, I would, of course, consider myself a Superfan of the show as a whole — but surely not of the second and third volumes of season five. I would actually go as far as to classify myself as the opposite of a Superfan in that case. The show ends with volume one in my mind, and for my sanity, I think it has to. 

I have a grand total of one positive thing to say about volumes two and three of Stranger Things 5, and that one thing is that I love Steve Harrington and I’m glad he didn’t die. Especially Steve Harrington in a backwards hat. And later on, not dying in a baseball coach’s uniform, and then not dying in a suit. Sure, I may have more than a few bones to pick with this last season, but at least they got one thing right.