As someone who loves the idea of love but has a deep-seated fear of letting themselves fall into it in a real way, this book was like reading my own thoughts but having them written by someone else. It was kind of freaky. There have been so many times that I’ve felt something unconventional or like I felt was an original experience but strayed away from writing it down because if I wrote the words out, it would manifest into something tangible. I tend to be more into the idea of falling in love and living vicariously through characters in romance-centric media rather than making something real happen, and I’m sure that’s rooted in something I need to unpack… but that’s for another day.
That being said, Pop Song is one of the most brilliant and genuine works I’ve ever read. Not to be confused with Haley Pham – if you know you know… brb yielding to a conglomerate of pedestrians – I first stumbled upon Larissa Pham’s work a whopping four years ago now when someone I followed on Instagram shared a link to her essay, “Crush”. I wish I remembered who it was so I could tell them thank you for changing my life forever. I literally sat here thinking for like ten minutes racking my brain for who it could’ve been but I literally cannot remember. Anyway! I read “Crush” and everything shifted. It had been published on some literary mag site and at the bottom of the page, THANK GOD. A link to a full-length book, Pop Song, of which “Crush” was a part of.
I wanted to read it in physical format, but I literally couldn’t wait, so I got the Kindle version first and breezed through that like nobody’s business, leaving a trail of a million gazillion highlights behind me. She has a way of phrasing things that makes me both jealous as a writer, because man I wish I wrote it first, but also in awe as a reader, because wow am I grateful that I got to read these words and feel understood and less alone. Pham magically takes us through a narrative of a love affair from start to finish, where she so perfectly strings together how it feels to start falling in and out of love with someone. At least that’s how it feels for me. Each part is integral to the experience she is trying (successfully) to convey, almost like a concept album but in written form. Every single essay could be read as a standalone piece and strike the reader in its own way, but when placed in a specific order among several other written works, ultimately tells an even bigger and more profound story.
My favorite piece in this is obviously “Crush” by far – there were just so many instances while reading this where I had to pause and read certain passages over and over. How she managed to put (what feels like) my own experiences and feelings into words before I could have even acknowledged them on my own… I will never know. A quote I think about literally all the time is this (and hopefully this convinces you to pick it up as soon as you finish reading this post):
“If I’m willing to lose myself in what can be said without words, it must be the voicing of my own feelings I’m frightened of. Or, no, it’s the asking, and worse yet, the needing. That’s what paints me as a discrete and vulnerable subject, and opens me to disappointment—and that which is worse than disappointment, the kind of hurt I can’t anticipate” (Pham, 82).
Like. Are we kidding. There are so many other parts I want to share with you but then this entire review would just be a bunch of quotes. So you should just go read it instead. Other standout sections to me are “Camera Roll (Notes on Longing)”, “Haunted”, and “What we say without saying”. The entire body of work is worth reading in order from start to finish for the sake of cohesion and a more full sense of understanding, but if you only had a bit of time to check out a few essays, those would be my recommendations!
Guys, I don’t put it lightly when I say that this collection of essays changed my life. I don’t just go around saying things like that. It’s a book I find myself picking up over and over again, after accumulating more life experiences, and having new revelations and a-ha moments each time I read it. In a similar way to how hearing certain artists’ music have helped me discover the kind of artist I want to be and the music I want to make, this book came to me at an extremely formative time that helped me solidify the kind of writer I wanted to be. And for that I am eternally grateful. I think it goes without saying that I am a Superfan of this book. Everyone say THANK YOU LARISSA PHAM!!!!
